Everything about him screamed your future.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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