My room smells like vodka and shame
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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