You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
