Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
