i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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