My nipple is on Facebook.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Damn victory sex feels great
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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