Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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