Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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