You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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