I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
