if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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