i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
