K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
