Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
please come you make the beer taste better
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
