I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
