We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
