And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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