Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
