This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
