Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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