You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
