So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
