You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
