I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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