I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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