or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i believe in u and ur pee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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