where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
