he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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