I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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