Will you blow on my dice?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
