Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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