i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
