He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
