omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
