I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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