i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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