I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
