When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
