this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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