Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
