Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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