he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
