why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
