she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Welp...herpes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
