first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
