so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
