I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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