In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
only if we run a train.
done.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
