after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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