I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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